Choosing Systems That Work for YOU
We’ve all been there; sleep-deprived, cranky, and spent because our baby isn’t sleeping at night. I even slammed the door in Tyler's face once because I was so tired and upset about having to wake up again (I immediately felt bad). Liam was a terrible sleeper; he had acid reflux so night feeding was especially long because we had to keep him upright for 15 minutes after each feeding for his food to digest. As a new mom, I remember the anxiety of waking up every 10 minutes to make sure he was breathing. I would rush into his room anytime I felt like his nap was going on too long, all while desperately wishing and hoping for some miracle to help us all get a better night’s sleep.
This time around with Norah, I made sure Tyler and I had a plan and a better understanding of what expectations were around sleep. I want to start by saying this isn't a post about how to sleep train. There are many methods out there, and honestly, you have to do what works best for you and your family. Whether you co-sleep or choose to cry it out, there is an emotional element that takes a toll on you as a mother or parent. So today, I wanted to share with you a few tips on choosing a system that works for your family, surviving the lack of sleep, and some simple tips that work no matter what approach you take.
Choosing a system that works for your family
We often head down roads that we think we have to go down because it's the latest trend or we feel pressured to do something for our child's sake. We go into it with the best of intentions. However, we think only of the baby and not our schedules, our partner's needs. We never explore how the implementation of the method will directly affect you, the parent, and so many women who choose to breastfeed them personally exclusively. Here are some steps for choosing the right sleep method for your family.
Do your research to make sure you have a clear understanding of each method's pros and cons and a clear understanding of the steps and practices. Even if you let your baby lead and choose no plan, that is still a choice, and it will have an impact. What are those impacts? Getting a night nurse, that too has a financial hit. Whatever you choose, take your time and look at it from all angles.
Share your thoughts with your partner and invite them to the process. Have an open dialog about how this will impact everyone's routines, schedule, and create an environment where your partner feels comfortable asking questions and offering their input and emotions.
Make a plan and make sure everyone has a clear understanding of their roles and responsibilities. Maybe you want to pump before bed so your partner can tackle a feeding. If you exclusively breastfeed, what does support look like from your partner? Can they burp the baby or change the diaper so you can get back to bed faster?
Someone take the lead. In our house, I researched what method we wanted to use while Tyler took the lead in making sure we stuck to it. He made sure we implemented the process and examined the questions when we felt stumped.
Share in your success. It may sound simple, but often we forget. If you find a little trick that seems to help soothe babies, share that with your partner! Make sure you communicate these at the right time. Use supportive language and acknowledge your partner’s efforts by asking if you can support them in any way. An example of what that sounds like “Hey babe, you're doing a great job. I know how challenging the past few nights have been. Thanks for giving it your all. I've been testing out bouncing baby verse rocking. It seems to be helping. Could I show you what I'm doing, and you could give it a try when the opportunity arises?”
Surviving lack of sleep
No matter what, you will have sleepless nights. There's just no way around it, from the first few months home with baby, teething, time change, or a vacation that throws you off track. You will find yourself stretched thin on sleep. Here are a few tricks for surviving those sleepless nights.
Have a plan for who is waking up and when. That way, both parents aren’t losing out on sleep unnecessarily.
Suppose you have a hard time getting back to sleep once you're awake. Set-up some sleep queues for yourself. For me, that looks like a cup of tea, read a book, quick meditation, etc.
Prep what you can before bed. If you make bottles have them ready to go in the fridge. I warm my hot water in our tea kettle before I go to bed them it hot in a thermos. That way I have piping hot water to warm the bottle quickly.
If you're exclusively breastfeeding, you may want to keep the baby close. Make sure to have a comfortable space to feed in with your favorite blanket and slippers nearby to keep the vibes cozy!
Drink plenty of water, eat right, and make up lost sleep with naps if and when you can. It's no secret our body needs fuel to run, so when you're low on rest, put in the extra work to make sure your body is getting its other fuel reserves.
Simple tips that work
The most empowering thing I ever read about getting a baby to sleep was that you are teaching your baby a skill, as hard as the process may be. You are teaching them to put themselves to sleep and self soothe. That right there gave me the push and courage to choose a method and stick to it. Like so many things in life, we have to listen to our children's queues, and then we have to guide them along the way.
Consistency
Babies thrive on routines, and creating one for bedtime is vital. If the goal is to get your baby to sleep 12 hours a night eventually (when age and weight are appropriate), then choose a bedtime that works in conjunction with the time you want to wake up. Tyler and I are early birds, and we like to have an hour or two to ourselves before the kids wake up. So we try and get the kids down at 7:30pm, and most of the time, they will sleep until 6:30-7:30am (Norah being the later sleeper).
You also want to create queues, so your baby knows it's winding downtime. After bath time, we dim all the lights throughout the house. Everyone gets in PJ's. The kids have been living in these Pehr tie-dye ones. We brush our teeth, and then we head for storytime as a family. After storytime and kisses, Tyler and I divide and conquer. For Liam, our toddler, the sound machine goes on. We have the Hatch Rest Plus, we give him his lovey, blankie, and two pacifiers (which we still start weaning him from soon, wish me luck!) We lay down, talk about the day and what will happen tomorrow, and then we leave.
It took us some time, but most nights Liam feels safe and comfortable in his room to fall asleep alone, playing with his lovey until he falls asleep. For Norah, it's so vital we catch her before she is overly tired, even if that means cutting story time short for her. One of us leaves to her room, turns on the sound machine, and slips her into her sleep sack. Right now, we have been using this one by Pehr. It's so incredibly soft, and we know she is safe and warm in the sack at night. Tyler or I sink into the rocking chair and lay her lovey in her arms with her bottle.
After burping, we place her in the crib drowsy and hold our hand on her chest until she falls asleep. Currently, Norah is still getting a night feeding, and this process is still very much a work in progress. However, each day, she seems to be getting more comfortable with it, and we keep learning little tricks about what works best for her.
Creating a routine lets your baby know what to expect and allows you to develop some structure around bedtime. You can use these queues like the sound machine, lovey, and sleepsack no matter where you choose to sleep your baby!