My 1st Geriatric Pregnancy
“Incompetent cervix,” and “geriatric pregnancy.” Who else feels like it’s time for these names to change? It seems so obvious to me that men coined these terms. Who else could be so insensitive to women and their bodies?
As promised, I thought I would finally give the background on why I’ve spent what feels like the past 2 years on bedrest. So here it goes.
Tyler and I moved to LA from New York on the 1st of the year in 2019. At the time I was about 12 weeks pregnant. We had planned to stay in a few Airbnb’s until we figured out what neighborhood we wanted to live in, but after 2 stays we were tired of moving around. I needed a place to plant my feet. I guess I wasn’t as carefree and adventurous as I thought I was! With the help of a good friend, we found an adorable bungalow in West Hollywood. On moving day February, 8th, I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled.
My OBGYN had insisted I move my anatomy scan up 2 weeks because I’d had some bleeding two weeks before (I was 18 weeks at this point.) She sent me to see Dr. Khalil Tabsh at UCLA Santa Monica, who has since moved to his own private practice. She sends all of her patients over 35 to see him. I should mention, being a pregnant woman over age 35 is known as a ‘geriatric pregnancy.’
So, after we dropped off another load of belongings to our new home, Tyler and I headed to see the doctor. I called on the way, and was informed the doctor was running late (ugh.) Three hours after Tyler dropped me off, I finally got my turn! For the first 45 minutes, Dr. Tabsh said nothing. Once you get to know him this is pretty normal, but obviously, I was very confused and worried. He told me to get dressed and asked if I had someone with me. My heart sank to the floor, because it was clear something was very wrong. I called Tyler and told him he needed to come back because they wanted to talk to both us.
Tyler arrived looking as pale as a ghost. We sat down to brace for the news. The nurse explained that I have an incompetent cervix and I was dilated to 4cm. My amniotic sack was basically about to fall out and they could see Liam’s foot.
Then came the options:
I could terminate the pregnancy.
I could go home and see what happens (they didn’t recommend this option) but left the choice to me.
They could place a pessary (a soft, removable device that goes in your vagina) to help support the uterus, but the success rate wasn’t very high.
They could try to push the sac back in (trying not to break it) and sew my cervix shut with a procedure called a cervical cerclage. This had the best chance of continuing the pregnancy with about 50/50 odds, but there’s was a catch. I would have to spend 3 months on bedrest in the hospital, possibly for the remainder of the pregnancy.
What I really appreciated about the doctor and nurse was they presented all of the information in a very digestible way, and didn’t pressure me in any direction. They left the room so Tyler and I could discuss our options. We were both gutted. We had gone through IVF, and had just told our families we were pregnant! I was balling, scared, and numb all at the same time. We decided to roll the dice and try the surgery.
Because I want to be really honest, I’m going to share the things we discussed as we made this decision.
First, I called my rock⏤my grandmother (she gives the best advice.) She told me what she would do, but ultimately it was something we had to decide for ourselves.
Second, we needed to find out what this was going to cost and if our insurance would cover it. 3-5 months in the hospital and 2 surgeries could cost around a million dollars if our insurance didn’t cover it. We had to speak to the nurse again and find out what our odds were with our insurance company. Ultimately our insurance covered the procedure and stay, but the hospital had to basically sue them to get paid. Not to mention it took a ton of fighting on our end. And, obviously, we still had a financial obligation to cover our deductible and the percentage that our insurance didn’t cover.
I mention all of this because I want to be very clear; I was in a position of privilege and that made it possible for me to choose the option of the surgery and hospital stay.
We had insurance
I wasn’t the breadwinner in my family and Tyler could afford to support us while I didn’t work. Luckily I had a nice savings to lean on.
I worked for myself so I wasn’t bound to a job in the same way some people are.
I didn’t have other kids at home.
I felt like I was mentally in a good place and would be able to handle stress and pressure.
Had my circumstances been any different, I’m not sure I could have made the same decision. This is just one of the reasons I firmly support a woman’s right to choose. The choice to continue or end a pregnancy is very personal with many factors to consider. Only a woman, armed with the advice of her health care professional, can make those choices. There are so many grey areas I believe people brush over when thinking about this issue. It’s not simply the question of whether or not you want a child.
Okay, back to the story.
We decided to move forward with the surgery. I thought I would go home to pack a bag and come back to the hospital the next day. Boy, was I wrong. I was immediately put in a wheelchair and rolled down to labor and delivery. They put me in a bed with a strong incline to try and get the baby to pull away from my cervix (or lack of.) I asked Tyler to go home and grab some of my things, and come back in the morning as my surgery would be the next day. Remember this was moving day. Little did we know that would be the only night Tyler would stay in that cute bungalow.
That day was so surreal. I really couldn’t even process what was going on. I hadn’t totally connected with the baby yet, so I felt like I was taking a ‘hail-mary’ shot. If it didn’t work out, at least I knew I’d tried, and that was all I could wrap my head around at the moment. In all honesty, I was glad I hadn’t really connected with the baby yet. Even if we made it through the surgery we had to make it through so many other risks, like pre-term labor. Which comes with a wide range of difficult decisions I was hoping I would never have to make. The road ahead was long and I was already tired. I slept hard that night. More to come soon.
Until next time,
<3 BJS