My Love Letter to Single Moms
Is there anything more powerful than a single mom? Not in my eyes. Let’s get one thing straight: all mothers are superheroes in their own right. I honestly love having the chance to connect with other moms because I learn so much from them. Nothing feels as expansive to me when I hear a mom talking about something she accomplished that I had already convinced myself couldn’t be done. Moms have illuminated my own potential.
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about single moms and the unique challenges they face. I mean, being a single mom isn’t held up in our society as something to aspire to because there’s an unspoken understanding among us that motherhood is hard to do on your own. Motherhood is difficult even with a co-parent and strong support system. The old adage “it takes a village to raise a child” is totally true. Child rearing comes with so many tasks that are naturally designed to be divided between more than one person.
Any child of single mothers will be able to tell you how having one parent affected them—especially adult children of single parents who have hindsight. I don’t think anyone rallies around their single moms like their adult children do because they recognize the extent of the sacrifices their mothers made for them, even if they weren’t able to understand them as children. They know that there was a long list of decisions and choices their moms had to make in order to set them up for success in life.
Single moms leave me truly spellbound for so many reasons, and so today, in honor of Mother’s Day, I present to you my ode to single moms everywhere.
To the single moms who have become your own financial experts: I see you. Between rent or a mortgage, bills, extracurricular activities, clothes, school fees, groceries, and saving for retirement and your children’s education, there likely isn’t much—if anything at all—left for your own enjoyment. The first compromises you made as a single mom were your own as you repositioned your own needs to accommodate those of your child. Whether that sacrifice was your own choice or not, it’s one that deserves recognition.
To the single moms who feel guilt, anger, or sadness: I hear you. Moms are people, too! People with complex feelings and emotions. Being a single mom means that there isn’t an extra ear around all the time to help shoulder the emotional burden that was meant to be shared. Your experiences—regardless of how positive they may or may not be—are completely valid.
To the single moms who have struggled professionally: I stand with you. There’s still a stigma attached to mothers in the workplace, especially when you have to prioritize your choices. You are forced to choose between picking up your child from school and caring for them because they’re sick instead of going to that meeting, or skipping out on drinks with your colleagues after work because of soccer practice, or not being able to show up to parent-teacher conferences because you have a big presentation. Balancing the responsibilities between professional and parenting roles is not just hard work, it’s one that involves making unideal sacrifices.
To the single moms who don’t have time for yourselves: I understand you. It’s so essential to be able to have time to connect with and care for yourself by hanging out with friends, drawing a relaxing bath at the end of the day, going on a date, or whatever makes you feel recharged. The ability to fill your own cup first is a privilege and one that few single moms can access with ease. The selflessness you possess deserves to be celebrated by your community.
If you have read this far and aren’t a single mom, you might be wondering how you can support the mom in your inner circle. Here are a few ways you can offer your hand:
Tell them they’re doing a great job
Offer to babysit their children to give them a night off
Arrange for a babysitter and take her out to dinner
Listen to her and offer compassion for her experiences
Ask her how you can support her
If you’re interested in learning more about navigating single parenthood, Destini Ann has a wonderful event coming up where she will be having an open and candid conversation about the aspects of parenting solo. I have followed her for a while and I absolutely love her parenting techniques and humor, so I think you will too! Check the link here for event details and hopefully I’ll see you on the call!
One final note to the single moms everywhere: you are teaching your children so many important lessons about humanity, what it is to love, work hard, and juggle all of your responsibilities at once. You are more than enough.
This Mother’s Day is for you.
Xx BJS