I’m On A Mission

Recently, someone I follow posted on social media that she had a night nurse. Immediately, I thought “hell yes, I would kill for a night nurse!” I was shocked when she shared how many women were shaming her for not waking up all night with the baby. She received comments like “why even have a baby if you’re not going to do the work.” Why even have a baby? Because she wanted a family and a career (gasp)! Let me tell you, this woman was launching a new line, renovating and new home, and is a CEO, all while pregnant. She’s never asked for your approval of how she chooses to run her life. I wanted to know, where were the props for finding a way to do it all?

As I sit here writing this piece, I know there may be backlash from others. The truth is I’ve been trying to push myself into the mental mindset to write the next two parts of Liam’s birth story. But with baby number two, miss Norah, so fresh and new it’s been difficult for me to sink back into those feelings. What has been at the forefront of my mind instead is the shock that I’m still shedding the skin of my former self. And the shock that women and society are still bullying other women who choose to have both. 

 
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Everyone tells you how hard having a baby will be; the sleepless nights, the endless diapers, the unwanted advice. But still, here I sit, in total shock at how incredibly hard mothering is. Not for the endless list of tasks it comes with, but because it strips you of who you once were in a way no one tells you it will. You feel like you’ve been left naked, vulnerable, and unsure of who you are, how you’re supposed to feel or act. Society tells you this new role should be as natural as the sunrise, and it is anything but. Not to mention that the role of mommy seems so outdated for the times but the expectation is to take it on and somehow squeeze it into the life you spent years creating.

The narrative of motherhood was to give your entire self up. The idea that this woman who had spent years building a career and comfortable life was supposed to “put it all aside” because she had a baby, was so sad to me. Sorry, that just isn’t for me. Where is the radical self-love I was told to practice in that? How can I model self-love to my children if I’m not practicing it? And why all the guilt for wanting to put me first? Don’t they tell you to put your mask on first when the plane goes down? No wonder I was shaken to the core when the reality of having a baby didn’t meet the expectations I had had in my mind.

Mixed messaging and fairytales are rampant in the motherhood community. My babies didn’t fit into my life like this perfect next chapter or some evolution of all the hard work I had put into creating a life I was enjoying. I actually remember the internal struggles I was going through when we brought Liam home. My schedule ripped from me, my ability to work out (my stress reliever) was on pause. My time to schedule anytime for myself revolved around Liam’s schedule. We were in a complete power struggle. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand sacrifice, and it was very obvious I would be giving up some things to gain others. I also knew that some of this was temporary, but that didn’t change how jarring things are when you bring home your new babe. 

 
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Now that I’ve put this all out in the open, I’m forced with trying to come up with an ending. At the end of the day, my intent has always been to empower mamas who are struggling. My goals as a coach are to lift women up and remind people about the importance of maternal wellness. I’ll leave you with this; as young women, we are often told about this beautiful sisterhood, we are all in this together, total #girlboss vibes. Why does it seem that when we enter our motherhood stage, everything we’ve built no longer matters? 

I’m on a mission to untangle that narrative, to shine a light on the reality of entering motherhood so women can reach their full potential in space, prepare themselves, and have the skills and resources to do so. At the end of the day, motherhood is incredible. It has changed and molded me in ways I could have never imagined. My love for my children and the love I receive from my children is unlike any love I’ve ever experienced. I have no regrets about having children but I do believe the narrative of suffering alone as a mother has to change! I can put myself and my dreams first and I believe my children will be better for it. Because the actions I model for them will be ones I hope they carry for themselves.

That is exactly what I intend to do during my virtual group coaching program! This will be a 10-week ‘seminar’ of sorts where we speak about everything in motherhood. As a group, our key discussions will be centered around topics such as changing family dynamics, the push and pull of a child (wanting them close but needing space), expectations and ideas for motherhood, guilt, shame, carving out your new role as a mother and so much more. If you’re interested in getting on the waitlist for this group program starting Mother’s Day, click here!

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How to Create Your Own Lane in Motherhood

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Balancing it All with Stella Simona