Anti-Racism Teachings: Talking to your Children
If you didn’t have a chance to read August’s Anti-Racist teaching, be sure to check out how to show up in your own lane! This month, I’m touching on racial biases and parenting.
Racial bias starts at such a young age; studies show as early as 2-4 years old. While it's easy to say I'm not racist, it is slightly harder to practice anti-racism, which is an action. This means speaking about race, injustice, and inequality. Additionally, speaking to this complex issue can seem overwhelming and often a topic we feel are children won't understand or have not even begun to experience. Our children are much more capable than we often realize and are continually absorbing and taking in the world around them.
We hope our children will be accepting of all, and we can preach that message vocally; however, the practice or action can only occur when children are exposed to people who don't look like them. The reality is that this kind of work starts at home by the examples that we set. If you don't have friends of color, how do you know you truly don't practice bias yourself? How can you challenge yourself to be empathetic of POC’s needs if you don't have any relationships you're invested in?
I challenge you to look at your friend circle. Do you have people of color in it? If not, why?
As a 36-year-old who recently moved to a new city, I understand how difficult it can be to make new friends. So I want to offer some suggestions on how to expand your circle authentically and organically. If you're reading this and internally screaming "Brandy, I live in a small town, it's impossible!" or "Easier said than done, my city is really segregated and I never see people of different ethnicities in my neighborhood," then keep reading, because this information was made for you.
One of my number one recommendations is showing up on the same level as the people you're interacting with. You aren't going to expand your bubble by heading to a soup kitchen or outreach program with your kids. Though novel causes, this is not the type of exposure I'm speaking to. Showing up on the same level can be a straightforward head to places where you can be exposed to people coming from different situations than your own. This might mean heading to the library across town once a month, taking your kids to a park outside of you neighborhood, or heading to the YMCA or city sponsored clubs and groups. I can't tell you how many authentic and interesting conversations and friendships I've made when I've stepped out of my bubble and into a new space.
In a time of COVID, I know this probably feels exceptionally challenging. Other ways you can show up are virtually. Join a book club, maybe even one that explores race, or find a virtual community. I've joined about ten Facebook mom groups, and I've had the pleasure of creating some very cool relationships with women all over LA. Though we all come from very different situations, we share so many similar successes and struggles. It takes a little work, but remember those little eyes are watching you, and if they see you making an effort, chances are they will be more likely to make the same effort. The gift of diversity is one of the more expansive precious gifts you can give a child.
Lastly, I want to leave you with a deeply rooted memory from my time in New York City. Like so many, I often rode the subway. While not always a lovely place to be, the train is the biggest melting pot in NYC! When you ride the subway it allows you to break down barriers you may have put up, and see the whole scope. We are all just GOING to work. Everyone on that train is taking the ride to get to our same outcome. We are all just providing for our family. All moms are just out there, doing the best that they can.
There is so much that we have in common, and living in our bubble deprives us of seeing that.
Remember, if you aren’t invested in someone else it’s hard to readjust the ideas in your subconscious.
<3 BJS
Resources: NY Times, The Conscious Kid