Beliefs Around Motherhood with ByBabba

This week on the blog I’m super excited to announce a quarterly series to help create a community where I interview boss mothers & mothers to be. In this series we will share stories of triumphs, victories, vulnerabilities and pivotal moments in motherhood and career. 

My first boss mama is Babba C Rivera. Babba is listed in the 2016 Forbes’ list of the top “30 Under 30” in the field of marketing and advertising, and was named Sweden’s ‘top talent’ of 2016 by Veckans Affärer, one of the country’s largest business magazines. Her work has been featured and profiled in major magazines, newspapers, television programs, podcasts as well as print and digital media including Vogue, ELLE, Man Repeller and Forbes. She is also the founder and creator of My Ceremonia (I can not wait to try out these products!) and an advocate for women and Latinx individuals.

I met Babba on a photoshoot for Instyle magazine in my past career as a fashion stylist. Her energy and heart lit up the room and I knew she was someone I needed to know more about. Through following her on social media I’ve become an even bigger fan of hers. She has always been so engaging, and when I saw her post on limiting beliefs about pregnancy I just knew I needed to reach out to her. In coaching I do a lot of work around limiting beliefs with my clients and Babba’s honest and open answers to my questions are something I feel blessed to share with my readers and community. 

I can certainly relate to what she has to say and I look forward to sharing with you my own limiting beliefs around pregnancy and becoming a mother - but that's for another day. You're going to want to keep your eye on this boss mama, so if you’re not already please follow her on Instagram @babba. Without further adieu here is my Q & A with Babba!

At what point did you uncover your limiting beliefs around getting pregnant or stepping into motherhood?

I’ve had fears around pregnancy for as long as I can remember and thought it was normal to be this scared. I guess I realized my fears were getting the best of me when I started to feel like maybe I shouldn’t have kids at all, despite always wanting a family. I looked into adoption with my husband, but because we aren’t American citizens we found it very complicated to go through that process as a foreigner in the US.

Once that door closed, I started to feel like I should address these fears with myself and dismantle them. Where were they coming from, and what was it that I was really scared about? This process started for me about 1.5 years ago, which was around the same time I started going to therapy. It was then that I first became aware of my limiting beliefs around pregnancy and motherhood.

I realized my fears were coming from seeing my mom give up so much of herself and her independence. Seeing my mom go through a tough pregnancy without any support system left me scared, and seeing how emotionally lonely she was on this journey made me resent the societal structure of women having to carry all the sacrifices to create a family. In some ways, it almost made me resent men in general for not showing up better. And while I deep down know my husband is of a different generation, culture, and personality, I still let those fears into our relationship.

What actions did you take to challenge these beliefs?

Through therapy, I was able to properly articulate the fears for myself and connect the source of the fears. By doing this, I was able to see the fear from a different lens. What has felt like a fact, was now showing up as an unfortunate experience from my mom’s life, which by no means has to be my own reality. When you play out your fears in detail, you also realize they aren’t unbearable.

For example, when you ask yourself, “what is the worst thing that could happen?” and you try to answer that in detail, step by step, you’ll realize the likelihood of you ending up at that worst-case scenario is not very high. For me, it almost became laughable when I was trying to express for myself how pregnancy would be the end of my independence. It also made me realize I had to bring my husband up to speed with these fears so that he could have a chance to be there for me and help me feel safe and comfortable enough trusting that we would do this as a team.

In what ways were those beliefs serving you? What ways weren’t they?

They weren’t really serving me, I think, however, I am always grateful for every experience in life because we learn and grow from each of these situations. For me, the silver lining is that once I decided to go off birth control I felt so secure and supported by my husband thanks to the open communication I was able to have with him as a result of my fears. It made us connect and feel aligned with each other and our respective needs in this journey.

I certainly know in what ways these beliefs weren’t serving me, it feels crazy that I was almost considering not having children just out of fear.

What support people in your life helped you move past these beliefs? What was that process like?

My therapist, my husband, and my clairvoyant Deganit Nuur. She helped me work through my fears (she has a great method for fear management) and was also able to connect with my spiritual guides and my inner self, as I was very stuck in my external/persona self. I also went on a spiritual retreat with Deepak Chopra, mainly to help heal grief, but I think that experience played a big role in this area of my life as well.

On a more practical note, as a result of getting more in touch with my body and mind, I started to take better care of myself and that was a very empowering journey. By the time I went off birth control, I felt so healthy and strong which is such a powerful feeling. I signed up for a more holistic medical approach with Parsley Health, started going to acupuncture every week, and my husband and I initiated a sacred Sunday routine of quality time and couples massage. It was a nice break from my otherwise go-go mindful and hectic lifestyle.  

If you could share one piece of advice with another woman struggling with limited believers around pregnancy or motherhood what would you tell her?

You are not alone, and that there is so much help to get. Acknowledging our fears is a huge first step because a lot of the times we aren’t even aware of them and we just live a limited life in the unknown. Trying to discover your fears by asking yourself where in your life you are currently limiting yourself can be very powerful.