Finding My Why - Part One
If you’ve happened upon this blog, first of all - thank you. Second of all, I encourage you to hop over to my “Blogging from Bed” piece, for a little back story. Don’t worry, it’s just enough text to hit those SEO marks!
As some of you may know, in 2019 I spent three months on bed rest at UCLA Santa Monica hospital in antepartum, waiting for the arrival of my son. This year, 2020, we have had the pleasure/nightmare of being stuck at home during the pandemic. As I sit here writing, back on strict bed rest (from home) waiting for the arrival of my daughter, I have found myself wondering more than once, “Why is the universe, so hell-bent on making me slow down? What are the lessons I'm supposed to receive from these experiences?”
I've been working as a fashion stylist for over 12 years now. And I could not have asked for a more rewarding career that served me and my passions, especially in my 20's. I got to travel all over the world, meet so many incredible, exciting, engaging companies and even a few famous faces. I’ve forged relationships that I will have for a lifetime. I gained the confidence it takes to build a career from the ground up and turn into a successful business that not only supported me, but two assistants with an office in the Meatpacking District. Oh, New York how I loved you.
Though business was booming and I finally had so many of the things I wanted for myself, I was missing out on a lot. I didn't have the mental bandwidth at the end of the day for my husband. I didn't have the energy to meet up with friends - and I certainly didn't have the time to create the family I wanted so badly to have.
Other things were bothering me too. The glamorous life of styling started to feel less glamorous. After you can afford to go on a real vacation, hopping on a plane for work and seeing someplace new on a work trip just isn't as enjoyable. The hustle and bustle, parties, and traveling all started to feel like a burden. My values and priorities were shifting, and I wanted to start making time for the things that mattered to me.
A behind the scenes look at the luxurious job that is fashion styling. No matter what, I wouldn’t exchange these memories for anything!
The Awakening
As a stylist in New York, I developed my whole identity around a certain level in my career. By the time I'd reached my 30s, I had a steady stream of work, a clear sense of professional identity, and a comfortable living situation. But, like many women my age, I eventually hit a wall.
An uneasy feeling began to creep in, a subtle discontent that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I slowly began to realize that the life I was leading no longer felt like it was serving the person I'd become. I'd gotten so hyper-focused on a particular vision of success, that I hadn't noticed a change in myself. Quite simply, goals I'd set for myself in my 20s no longer fit my purpose.
I felt ungrateful. I felt ashamed that I “wanted out” of something I had worked so hard to build. Really, I was terrified of starting over. But, in going through the process (with all the time I've had on my hands,) I found that starting over, while scary, created the perfect opportunity for rediscovering myself. To re-learning who I was and what I needed to be the best version of that person. It was easy to say 'I need to find my purpose,' but first I had to permit myself to be the real me and not the me that my career, family, and friends demanded I show others.
Things have changed so much for me since the beginning of 2019 - and they’re still constantly changing. For now, I leave you with this;
“Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back.”
I want to create a tribe for you, and truly for myself as well. I hope to have you back here next week, where I’m going to unpack what it is I’ve been creating over the past year.
Until then,
<3 BJS