Showing Up for Yourself as a New Mom
Why is it that we spend days and hours prepping for our baby’s arrival, but we disregard preparing for the changes that will directly impact ourselves when the baby finally comes? I find myself pondering this often as I reflect on the first 90 days of survival with a new one.
We take a CPR class, watch and read reviews on every baby gadget, phone friends to compare and contrast notes. We create a compelling narrative that we are fully prepared for the baby’s arrival. I never once asked myself “how will the baby’s arrival shift my schedule, body, time, and new feelings of love worry and affect me?”
So, here are the top questions I wish I would have asked myself the first time around.
What are my basic needs to feel good every day so I can show up for my baby?
I need 20 minutes every morning of alone time. I prefer an hour, but I can live with 20 minutes. I extended that to an hour after the first 90 days of Liam being home. I need to drink a full glass of water, quickly stretch, and have my coffee.
I have to get out of the house at least once a day. I can remember the 2nd day out of the hospital with Liam. I put him in his stroller-bassinet attachment and covered it with a thin blanket, and Tyler and I went on a family walk around the block. A woman stopped and asked how long we had been home (I’m sure she noticed me hobbling as I walked.) I told her we were on day two. She looked shocked and told me I shouldn’t have my baby outside. I politely told her we were okay, and then instantly felt selfish and guilty for being out. I limited my outdoor exposure to my backyard for the next week. Why did I let her shame me for taking care of myself?
I need to eat healthy foods.
When you aren’t getting the sleep, you need your body is already running on empty. I needed fuel of some sort to keep me going. Food that would give me energy and the calories I needed for breastfeeding.
I need my husband to do one feeding at night.
Plain and simple.
I have to choose gratitude over fear.
Just like every new mom/parent, I woke up way too many times pondering “is the baby breathing? Should I have held him 5 minutes longer because of his acid reflux before laying him down, what if he chokes and dies?” The reality is those catastrophic thoughts are going to pop up. But, if I choose to acknowledge the feeling and challenge it with gratitude for the day, it stops me from going down a fear spiral. Thank you, Brené Brown!
I will live in the present moment.
This one is the hardest for me. One, because the newborn baby stage is very stagnant for me. I can’t wait to get out of it (remember I’m a toddler mom) Two, because I’m such a planner, I tend to future think & daydream a lot. Living in the future doesn’t help in the early stages. There is so much learning and survival going on. You’re so tired and not even able to make solid plans. Knowing it’s temporary and taking things day by day serve me much better and allow me to connect with myself, my baby, and my family.
Some of us may have a hard time answering these questions because we are used to putting others before our selves. Some of us have a clear idea of our needs. Still, we aren’t sure how to communicate them to our family, or we struggle to put an actionable plan together because we feel overwhelmed.
In one-on-one coaching and group coaching, that is precisely the type of thing we tackle and create space for. By showing up for ourselves first, we can show up for our families even more effectively.
It’s a process, but not one you have to go about on your own. These roles and experiences will continue to shift, but I can give you the tools to navigate the shifts and transitions.
<3 BJS